He tries again, but Steiner runs him into the turnbuckle and sets up for the bulldog. They fight on the top, Saturn gets shoved off, and Steiner hits the neckbreaking bulldog for the PIN??? Germany match…. Hacksaw Duggan. Just poke my eyes out. Duggan tosses Berlyn around for a bit, then that evil German comes back with a kick to the gut and a chinlock. More chinlockery, then Duggan gets jumped by the glistening, Bracchus-like bodyguard and the announcers are ALREADY putting him over and Berlyn hits a butt-ugly reverse neckbreaker for the pin.
Goodbye, heat, after that atrocity. Duggan seems unimpressed, but nothing comes of it. Harlem Heat. They took 10 minutes to do what I summarized in one sentence. Yee haw. Sid tosses Benoit around and yells a lot. Benoit goes for the knee, however, taking him down to the mat. Sid ignores it and no-sells. Cobra clutch slam gets two, and to the chinlock we go, because the strain of carrying the match is just too much for Sid.
Benoit goes for the headbutt, misses, and Sid powerbombs him for the US title. Yeah, go to hell, all of you on the booking committee.
I hope you and your fat, stupid asses are the next ones cleaned out by the front office purgings going on. Maybe you can get a job with the WWF cleaning toilets. What a depressing match. The Revolution is dead. My will to fight to gone. Do your worst, WCW. I take that back. Page then goes into full Lawler mode, chinlocking Goldberg and hitting him with the object at opportune moments.
Good lord, did I die and go to Memphis? Hulk Goldberg then takes out the Triad, spear, jackhammer, good night nurse.
And so Hogan and Sting proceed to do the same match from Nitro, almost to the move. Wow, I can feel the stars racking up as we speak. Sting comes with the same comeback from Nitro — two Stinger splashes, and a third that misses as Hulk hulks up. DDP Diamond cuts Hogan, and it gets a two count. Scorpion deathlock and another ref comes in to count it ends it, as Sting claims title 9.
The Bottom Line: Who booked this crap? And turn our 2 face into a heel! I'll say it's legit as Vampiro takes a while to help Rey up so they can talk. Vamp and Shaggy lift Rey and roll him inside the ring. Vamp puts on a chinlock to buy some time. They stand up and Vamp hooks on an armbar, then nails Eddie on the apron. Kidman's in to nail Vamp, but the ref forces him back out. Vamp puts on a front face lock while Rey tries to make the tag.
He tags Eddie! Eddie goes nuts on Vamp in the corner. Whip to the ropes, big clothesline! Eddie monkey flips Vamp into center ring and Vamp can't stay on his feet. Eddie grabs Vamp's leg and gets hit with a spinning kick. Side suplex by J. Then a body slam. Shaggy comes off the top rope with a legdrop! Kidman breaks up the pin at 2.
Tag to Vamp. Whip to the ropes, reversal, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Eddie! ICP comes in. Clothesline on Shaggy! Hip toss on Violent J! Vamp nails Eddie from behind, then knocks Kidman off the apron. Shaggy goes to the top. Kidman crotches him and knocks him to the floor. Kidman goes up, but Vamp catches him. Gutwrench powerbomb off the top! Eddie hits a missile dropkick from the top on Vamp! Kidman goes up. Shooting Star Press! Rey gets carried backstage as we peep out some replays.
Get some help for Vampiro! He's GOT to be hurt after that. Your winners : Rey Mysterio Jr. Saturn promises a clean sweep and all 4 guys drop their headsets and leave. Was it something I said? Up next, the cruiserweight title match! Video clips show the ambiguous fun that is the Lenny and Lodi angle. Well, if you're evil and Japanese, I suppose. Even with the glitter and pink frills, Lenny and Lodi don't look as gay as Rey Mysterio did.
Tenay confirms that and says that it's fine with him if they want to call themselves the West Hollywood Blondes. That whirring sound you hear is Brian Pillman spinning in his grave. Lenny ducks away from a lockup and applies a waistlock. He lifts Kaz up and drops him on all fours, still holding the waistlock Not a minute in and we're mimicking sodomy.
Kaz makes it to the ropes and complains about the ass contact. I don't blame him. Now Kaz gets the waistlock, which Lenny turns into an armbar. Kaz shoves Lenny to the ropes, Lenny responds with a shoulderblock. Lenny then begins skipping around the ring. Kaz misses a clothesline and gets hammered.
Lenny straddles Kaz's arm with an armbar and grinds his ass into Kaz. Come ON! Kaz punches him right in the ass to break it. Lenny ducks through the ropes to escape. COM , so I will also. Kaz gets the advantage. Whip to the rope, reversal, sunset flip by Kaz. He has to kick Lenny in the ass a few times, but Lenny drops and kicks out at 2. Kaz with a dropkick.
Kip up! Head scissors! Lenny scurries to the outside and jumps into Lodi's arms. Kaz with a corkscrew plancha on both guys! He throws Lenny back inside and hits an elbowdrop. Lodi trips Kaz up as he comes off the ropes again.
Lenny misses three straight elbowdrops. Kaz is up. Whip to the ropes, reversal, Lenny ends up with a reverse powerbomb! Lenny hits repeated scratches to Kaz's back and chest. A snap mare takes Kaz down for a 2 count. Whip to a corner, Lenny charges in and eats a boot. Kaz catches an elbow to the chops, but manages to drop toehold Lenny into the turnbuckles.
Kaz to the outside. Lenny avoids a springboard attempt and slams Kaz onto the mat. Lenny crawls over to him and gets a 2 count. Whip to the ropes A gutwrench powerbomb on Kaz gets a 2 count. Kaz slips out of a bodyslam and pulls down the top rope, sending Lenny to the floor as he runs in. Kaz hits the ropes HUGE somersault plancha! Lenny gets rolled back inside as Lodi nails Kaz from behind. Kaz gets whipped into the steps and thrown in himself. Lenny covers!
He pulls Kaz to his feet and runs him into the turnbuckles, then stomps away at him. Lodi fans Lenny with his signs as Kaz tries to recover. Kaz has a bloody nose, it appears. Lenny applies a reverse chinlock. Kaz fights up and gets hammered back down. A German suplex attempt sees Kaz land on his feet! He jumps up for a victory roll, spins around Lenny's head, and ends up with a Frankensteiner!
Whip to a corner, reversed, Lenny hits a running bulldog just like Dustin Rhodes! Stick him with these guys, I'm telling you! Kaz kicks out of a pin at 2. Whip to the ropes, Kaz ducks a clothesline and slips out of a belly to back suplex, hitting one of his own. Both men are down! They stand and Kaz fires a few punches.
Whip into a corner, reversed, Lenny misses a splash. Kaz with a springboard bulldog! Kaz does the 2 Cold Scorpio "spinning fists" signal but then pulls Lenny to his feet. He puts Lenny in superplex position, then climbs up to the top behind him. Lenny turns around and Kaz flips over him for a sunset flip. Kaz climbs up again but Lenny crotches him. Lenny runs in and gets a boot to the face. Then another.
Kaz jumps and hits a flying head scissors! Lenny hits a chinbreaker. He calls Lodi onto the apron, then whips Kaz towards him. Kaz reverses but Lenny stops in time. Lenny and Lodi hug. Kaz hits a dropkick! Victory roll! Kaz with a backbreaker. He goes to the top rope but nails Lodi, who's climbed onto the apron. Lodi snaps Kaz's head over the top and Lenny rolls him up!
Kaz kicks out at 2! Kaz tries to jump up for another victory roll, but Lenny ducks under it. Full nelson Lodi runs in to celebrate. Replays show us some of the highlights.
A mid-ring interview? What is this, Nitro? Gene wants Sting's thoughts on Luger. And what would that be? Sting claims Hogan's proven himself as a good guy week after week, then asks the crowd to agree. A nice mixed reaction follows. Sting will be a 9 time world champion with a win tonight. Sting closes with his "back, back in black, it's showtime folks" routine that just won't catch on. Video clips show us highlights of the war between the First Family and the Revolution.
Oh well. The First Family enters without incident. Douglas and Malenko roll inside and the Family attacks! Malenko and Knobs pair off, as do Douglas and Morrus outside the ring.
Shane gets whipped into the barricade on the outside. Knobs holds Dean as Hugh comes back in, but Dean breaks free and nails both of them. Shane's in. Whip to the ropes, reverse atomic drop on Hugh. The Family goes to the outside and poses. Double baseball slide dropkicks! Shane puts Hugh against the railing and beats on him. Knobs eats the steps. Then Hugh gets a mouthful of 'em. Shane lifts the steps and drops them on Hugh's back. Dean gets whipped into the steel!
Douglas rolls Knobs back inside as Dean beats on Hugh. Shane hits the 10 punches of doom in a corner. Whip to the other corner, Shane eats a boot and a clothesline. Now it's taken on a tag team format. But it's no DQ! Knobs gives Shane the pit stop, which fires Shane up. A clothesline takes Knobs down.
Tag to Malenko. Shane hits a drop toehold and Malenko dropkicks Knobs in the face. Hugh breaks up a pin at 2. Knobs goes to the eyes and makes the tag. Hugh runs into an arm drag. Tag to Shane. He backs Hugh into a corner and works him over. Hugh reverses things and whips Shane to the other side. Morrus runs in and gets caught with a boot. Shane hits a reverse snap mare! Hugh manages to make the tag.
Knobs runs into an arm drag. Dean takes Knobs down and pounds on him. A cover gets him 2. Dean dumps Knobs to the outside, where Douglas whips him into the railing. Shane tries it again but Knobs reverses and Shane crashes in. Dean throws Knobs back inside as Jimmy Hart runs for cover. Knobs fires back with some elbows. Whip to the ropes, Shane slides under the bottom rope and pulls out Hugh's feet so his head hits the ring apron.
Knobs falls outside the ring but the camera doesn't catch why. Knobs runs back into a drop toehold. Shane hooks on a side headlock. Whip to the ropes, Hugh kicks Douglas in the back but Shane turns and nails him. Shane goes for Jimmy Hart and gets nailed by Knobs.
Douglas falls to the floor and Hugh works him over. Back inside, Knobs slams Shane and says "that's it". Knobs to the second rope!
Douglas raises a boot and catches Knobs in the chops. Tag to Hugh. Tag to Dean! He's a house o' fire! Hugh and Knobs get wailed on. Whip to the ropes, dropkick on Knobs that knocks him outside!
Dean hits the ropes and Knobs trips him. Elbow by Hugh. Hugh to the top rope! You've got to be shitting me! Were the Revolution Bischoff's "boys" or something? So much for the clean sweep. Replays show us the death of Douglas and Malenko's heat. Your winners : The First Family match time: Video clips show us the problems between Rick Steiner and Saturn, as both men fight for the title "ugliest mofo in wrestling".
The Revolution called a clean sweep and then quickly walked off I'd go as far as to say that the outcome here is a forgone conclusion! But hey, let's see what happens. Saturn enters. The blonde stripe in Rick's beard looks like a But needless to say, it doesn't make him look tough.
Steiner takes Saturn down with a tackle and ends up on his back, hitting a few crossface shots. Whip to the ropes, Steinerline! Tony announces that the championship committee has said Buff Bagwell hasn't arrived for his match.
What does the championship committee care? Steiner gets a 2 count. Another wrestler has stepped up to face Berlyn, but nobody knows who it is. Imagine the multi-leveled irony! Whip to the ropes again, Saturn slides under Rick and superkicks him down. Scoop slam on Rick. Springboard legdrop! Bobby "smells chicken" in relation to Bagwell.
Rick goes outside and Saturn dives through the ropes on him! He throws Rick back inside and hits the 10 punches of doom in the corner. Whip to the other corner, no Rick throws ref Nick Patrick into Saturn, then nails a low blow behind Patrick's back. Elbowdrop by Rick. Tenay points out a black armband on Nick Patrick that all the referees are wearing for Brian Hildebrand.
Rick throws Saturn over the top to the floor. Saturn gets thrown into the steps! Rick pulls up the mats at ringside and hammers Saturn.
DDT on the concrete! Rick throws Saturn back inside. Saturn gets run into the turnbuckles. Now Rick hits a release German suplex. A cover gets 2. Rick gets in the ref's face. Saturn with a roll-up! Rick with a Steiner Recliner of sorts, which he breaks so he can put on a half crab. Saturn reaches the ropes. Rick kicks him in the face and reapplies the crab. He lets go and hits a belly to belly suplex.
Saturn stands up and is met with another belly to belly! Rick lifts Saturn onto the top rope. Saturn with a missile dropkick! Springboard high cross body! Some sort of suplex! Whip to the ropes, Rick ducks a clothesline, Saturn tries a leapfrog but Rick catches him in a powerslam! A cover gets Rick 2.
Whip to the ropes, Saturn reverses it into a DVD! Saturn calls for the Rings of Saturn. Another DVD attempt fails. Rick lifts Saturn in powerbomb position and runs him into the turnbuckles! Rick to the top rope Saturn superkicks the ropes! Rick gets crotched! Superplex attempt by Saturn fails as Rick tosses him off. Rick stands up And the hopes of the Revolution rest on Chris Benoit beating Sid.
Steiner walks off. What, no replay? Hulk swore to his kids that he won't stab Sting in the back. And besides, if he wanted to take out Sting it would have happened a long time ago. Hulk's gonna train, say a prayer, and kick some ass 'cause he's sick of all the accusations.
We're taken back to the commentators, who have black ribbons on. I didn't notice that before. A "We Want Flair! Bobby points out that Hulk seems unusually worried. Buff still hasn't arrived yet, but we'll still get to see Berlyn wrestle! Thank goodness! Berlyn's leather vest, facial gruff, sunglasses, and the walking stick he's twirling give me a "rogue Horseman" vibe.
That whirring sound I spoke of earlier grows louder. So who's Berlyn's opponent? C'mon, Barry! No, wait Man, Hacksaw can be gone for years and still be over when he walks out. I'd wonder where Buff really is, but I'd rather see Hacksaw. Big "USA" chant fires up.
Duggan takes target practice with his 2x4. Berlyn rushes him and we're underway! Whip to the ropes, dropkick knocks Hacksaw into a corner. Whip to the other corner, reversal, hip toss on Berlyn! Hacksaw with a few clotheslines! He knocks Berlyn over the top! Boy, Alex looks pale. And I remember him being in better shape.
He reenters and tries a kick that Duggan catches. Big atomic drop! Whip to the ropes, a double axhandle floors Berlyn. Hacksaw stomps him in a corner. Whip to the ropes, Berlyn with a kick and a clothesline to get the advantage. Berlyn unloads some shots that Hacksaw doesn't sell. A snap mare takes Hacksaw down, then a sleeper of sorts keeps him there. The arm drops once Duggan breaks free and gets Berlyn in a corner. Whip to the other side, Duggan rushes in and gets met with a boot to the face.
Elbowdrop by Berlyn. He chokes Hacksaw over the middle rope. Hacksaw jumps right up and hooks on a front face lock. C'mon, Hacksaw, don't stray from the punches and clotheslines. They lock up, Berlyn with a reverse waistlock, Hacksaw counters with an armbar. Berlyn takes him down and eventually comes up with another sleeper. Man, this sucks. Hacksaw fought back from cancer for THIS?
Hey, didn't Wright have some sort of brain problem a few years ago? The fact that both guys are wrestling is pretty impressive. Hacksaw tries fighting up but Berlyn uses the hair to take him back down.
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