Why do i still resent carolyn

The truth is, although I appreciate that my parents provided me everything I needed growing up, I didn't have a very happy childhood, I don't have very many good memories, and I don't enjoy my parents' company. So, I spend time with them primarily because I feel it's the right thing to do.

My husband and I have a great relationship with his family and genuinely enjoy their company. He also has a bigger family, so, more people to catch up with! Short of saying, "I don't like you very much and I'm just barely tolerating you so that I don't have guilt later in life," how do I stop this cycle of my mother resenting the time I spend with my in-laws while I resent time spent with her?

Fighter: There's an easy, surface option here, where you just point out to your mom that if she wants more and happier time together, then perhaps she oughtn't spend a chunk of that time dredging up an old argument. Delivered warmly, this line could disarm you both. Still, it leaves the real problem unaddressed: that she's on to you.

You don't like your parents, you'd rather be doing something else when they visit, and it shows. But if that's not doable, then find a place to put that smaller break into your schedule and see whether it's enough to feel some relief.

If you balk at this, then please ask yourself why you refuse to accommodate your own needs. Forget for a moment that it's okay just to want to be alone sometimes -- that your preference is valid in its own right. People also perform better for others when their own needs are met.

Hi Carolyn:. How do we get out of a carpool arrangement with our neighbors, without creating unpleasant awkwardness? At the end of week two, they have now made us late or nearly so a total of eight times their kid is never ready to go when we pull up, and they are always late pulling up to get ours.

Hax: It depends on your neighbors. If they think promptness is only for twits, then best to go with He now wishes we had built equity earlier, but he confessed that because his family moved all the time, he wanted to stay in one place. Sometimes a new relationship is the happy culmination of all the things you learned and all the ways you changed from your bad relationship.

Time is the best way to tell a rebound from a keeper. That, and listening to your doubts. Are they superficial things or close-to-the-core-of-who-you-are things?